Appropriate
“I’m so proud of being “inappropriate” when words are so commonly used out of alignment with values”
A guy that I went on an evening first-date with told me that I shouldn't order anything with garlic when we dine, because he felt that was inappropriate for his first dates.
He was right - it WAS inappropriate for his first dates. And here are 4 of his INcorrect assumptions about me that prove his theory, which double-up as the reasons I chose not to pursue a second date with him, and why I’m so proud of being his version of “inappropriate” when words are so commonly used out of alignment with values.
1) His first dates are probably women who choose their food based on other people’s expectations, arbitrary social limits, an outdated sense of what women should eat, and a fear of how things appear to others. I choose food based on desire, nutrition, fulfilment and medicinal properties (by the way, garlic is an aphrodisiac and is rich in Allicin which improves blood circulation in the sexual organs and enhances fertility. Just saying).
2) His first dates probably make themselves available for intimacy when he expects it, and this should be after dinner. I am available for intimacy when intimacy intuitively feels mutually enjoyable.
3) His first dates probably take the word “should” as a helpful relationship guideline and social cue. Telling me I SHOULD do something without any authority or understanding of my values is likely to result in my ears closing their channel to any sound signals from your direction thereafter.
4) His first dates probably think that the label “appropriate” equates to the word “attractive” and would thus increase a woman’s chances of that date turning into a marriage. I think dating is about curiosity, and marriage is about connection, and trying to synchronise those values in a pressured vacuum to win someone’s validation makes all elements less enjoyable.
I think that using words accurately makes a woman more attractive, whether she wants to marry or not. The derivation of the word “appropriate” comes from the Latin “appropriare”, meaning “to make one’s own” and “to make something fit”. As I am independently complete as a result of belonging firstly to myself and fitting within my own values and standards, I don’t want to additionally belong to - nor fit - anyone that doesn’t love garlic, food, or the energy of life as much as I do. I would rather hinder marriage than limit my dining experience.
As I ponder on this whilst brushing my teeth, I wish that first-date man well, although I cannot remember his name, nor his face, nor anything about that date besides his immediate judgement and command of my dining choices before we were even seated, but I hope that he’s enjoying a thrilling unseasoned boiled potato dinner with a woman proud of being an appropriate wife, according to his terms.
I shall continue to create daily memories of love and connection by dining like a Queen and enjoying the planet’s plant-based luxuries.
This reflection was inspired by some home-made pasta sauce that my lovely Alex just made for us, using an entire bulb of garlic containing 16 cloves, roasted with aubergine, pine nuts, sun-dried tomatoes, basil and olive oil. And it is divine.
What negative labels have taken a debilitating ownership of you, and what revised wording would free you from its hold?
To find out more, message me at empowered@quietconfidence.co.uk.